Showbiz Ambitions

From: Charles Babbage
To: Chinweoke Trevor Nwauzor

Dear Mr Nwauzor.

The picture that you attached is not that of Thomas Cook. I have attached Thomas Cook’s picture to this email. I hope that helps you.

Regarding the work, I am afraid I cannot accept any work commissioned by Thomas Cook because it may be subject to a pending police enquiry. You would have to submit brand new work to us, however again the work will only consist of about half of the amount that you did for Mr. Cook.

I shall pass your message on to the last known email contact address of Mr. Thomas however of course I cannot offer any guarantee that he will see it. I myself have sent him many messages and they have all gone unanswered.

Sincerely,

Charles Babbage – Director
Pesky Pirate Audio & Video Productions Ltd.

I attach a photo of Thomas Cook:

 

 

From: Chinweoke Trevor Nwauzor
To: Charles Babbage
Subject: Re: INFORMATION

Are you sending me the work immediately? Please help me with some mobilization funds so that I can start your work and then settle some people who I am owing before they kill me here.

Please kindly call me on 00225098XXXXX or 00225662XXXXX. I am just losted in the see as I do not know what I can do. I have called and called his telephone and he never picked and finally he put it into answering machine.

Please reply fast.

 

 

From: Charles Babbage
To: Chinweoke Trevor Nwauzor

Dear Mr Nwauzor.

You say you have been calling Mr. Cook? Please can you inform me what number you have been dialling. The telephone number that I have for him has been dead since over a month ago, so if he has a new number I would like to know what it is because we also need to get in touch with him regarding money that he owes us also.

Getting back to your personal plight. As I told you, the only legitimate way I can help you I am afraid is if you are able to do work for us personally.

Unlike what Mr. Cook has told you, we do not force people to complete entire books. We pay a flat fee of £60 per recorded page and it is up to the person submitting the work how much they wish to do. The only requirement we ask is that a minimum of 50 (fifty) pages is submitted. After that you can decide to stop, or if you wish go on to complete the entire book. The choice is totally yours depending on how much you wish to earn. Please do note however that we can only make ONE SINGLE payment. For instance you cannot record 50 pages then ask for payment, and then decide you want to do some more pages. We can only authorise one single payment per person.

In case you are still interested, I have attached a PDF file containing the book “The Time Machine”. I assume that you have already had instructions previously from Mr. Cook as to how to make the recording. If not, please get back to me and I will send you our standard instructions.

In this particular book there are a total of 148 pages. You only need to do the minimum of 50 pages for which we will pay UK £60 per page. Of course, if you wish you can carry on to complete the entire book, in which case the total payment due to you would be UK £8,880 (148 x £60).

As explained previously, my company do pay expenses on top of the standard payment, however you must be able to supply us with signed receipts for any expenses incurred.

To send the work to us you may use one of three methods:

1. Ship to our offices by courier on CD/DVD
2. Send the chapters (there are 12 chapters plus 1 epilogue) by email attachment
3. Upload the separate chapters to a service such as megauplod.com or rapidshare.com

Once more I am assuming that Mr. Cook provided you with the explicit details of how the book is to be recorded.

If you are in agreement to our terms, please let me know immediately because our turnaround times are very quick and very swift. Any delay may mean that your work is handed to another person.

We offer various methods of payment, however I think that probably what would suit you best is a bank transfer as this way we can have your payment made within a few minutes of receiving your final submission.

We do not put strict time limits on how long you must take to complete the work however of course the sooner that you are able to complete it then the sooner we will be able to offer you payment.

Kind regards,

Charles Babbage – Director
Pesky Pirate Audio & Video Productions Ltd.

THE TIME MACHINE .PDF ATTACHED

 

 

Chinweoke hasn’t learned his lesson about asking for cash up front.

From: Chinweoke Trevor Nwauzor
To: Charles Babbage
Subject: Re: INFORMATION

87076XXXXX

If u want me to do any thing for you, send me advance of £1,000.00 then I will complete the recording before Friday and send it over then you pay the balance.

Use my name and send the money vi Western Union or Moneygram:

Chinweoke Trevor Nwauzor
ABIDJAN COTE D’ IVOIRE

Thanks you.

 

 

From: Charles Babbage
To: Chinweoke Trevor Nwauzor

Dear Mr Nwauzor.

No, Sorry. Advance payments are not company policy.

Thank you anyway for your reply. Good luck with finding Mr. Cook however.

Sincerely,

Charles Babbage – Director
Pesky Pirate Audio & Video Productions Ltd.

 

 

It takes nearly two weeks for Chinweoke to respond, and also from a new email address.

From: Chinweoke Trevor Nwauzor
To: Charles Babbage
Subject: WHY ARE U DOING THIS TO ME?

dear charles

please I beg of you to take pity on me at this time. I can get you all you need but thomas cook dried my accounts and now I have nothing to pay people to do this work for you. Why dont you answer your phone?

Chinweoke Trevor Nwauzor

 

 

From: Charles Babbage
To: Chinweoke Trevor Nwauzor

Dear Mr. Nwauzir,

I’m not quite sure if your are able to comprehend basic English, or perhaps you are on some kind of mind numbing medication? I will once again repeat that my company do not give out advance payments. This may come as a great surprise to you, but did you know that there are people on the Internet who like to scam people? Don’t you know that there are thieves out there who deserve nothing more than to have their testicles removed and fed to them.

Now, if you cannot do the work requested then that is fine by me. You are most welcome to seek recompense elsewhere, but please write down all your expectations about getting an advance payment from me, seal them in a large envelope, and post them to the following address:

Mr. Ima Mugg
419 No Hope Street Gardens
Notta Chance Inhell St.
Go Skrewyourself
U.K.

Warmest regards,

Charles Babbage – Director
Pesky Pirate Audio & Video Productions Ltd.

 

 

Chinweoke isn’t a happy bunny.

From: Chinweoke Trevor Nwauzor
To: Charles Babbage
Subject: ???

BASTARDS

U HV SUCCEEDED DIS TIME ARND, LEST C U GONNA GET THE
NEXT TIME

I suspect Chinweoke may have sussed that he was being played around with! I’ll keep playing my part though.

 

 

From: Charles Babbage
To: Chinweoke Trevor Nwauzor

Dear Mr. Nwauzor,

Thank you for your last communication. Call me stupid, but I get the sense that you are unhappy about something? Have I perhaps upset you in some way?

Instead of contemplating what you would like to do with various parts of my body, may I suggest that your time could be better served by completing the work for me? If you do that then not only would you benefit from the possible satisfaction of a job well done, but you could also earn yourself a little cash at the same time. What do you say Chinny?

Charles Babbage – Director
Pesky Pirate Audio & Video Productions Ltd.

 

 

I think Chinweoke decided to do a little searching ion the Internet and found my site!

From: Chinweoke Trevor Nwauzor
To: Charles Babbage
Subject: Re:???

U did but just the work of a monkey, I gat many, boys, girls, monkeys and other office rats like u who handle my office work, I have heard so much abt u and even
the people dat u told to go naked and take a snap but u know, u have just heard the voice of africa appealing to grow higher. In case u need to hear abt the voice of one million people, just let me know, I will do it free of charge and get to u.

Get back to me idiot.

Chinweoke Trevor Nwauzor

 

 

From: Charles Babbage
To: Chinweoke Trevor Nwauzor

Dear Mr. Nwauzor,

I’m sorry? Could you possible repeat most of your previous email in some kind of understandable English? At first I thought I had received a letter typed by a blindfolded dog, however the appearance of your name at the end of the message led me to the conclusion that it is you Mr. Nwauzor.

This monkey you talk about that apparently did the work for you; is he an impressionist? The reason I ask is because the 9 hours of audio recordings the monkey (sorry, you didn’t mention the monkey’s name) did for me sounded exactly like your voice on the phone. Now THAT is talent. Let me tell you Chinweoke, with a talented monkey like that, you should forget about talking to time wasters like me and get yourself a showbiz agent. Have you any idea at all how much money that monkey could be making for you right now? We could be talking about millions of dollars, easy. Listen, how about we go 50-50 on the monkey? You ship the the little furry primate to me and I will make arrangements to have him interviewed by a few agents I know. Before you know it we could both be swimming in cash, or in the monkey’s case, bananas. Actually, forget the last bit. What the hell does a monkey know about showbiz and money? No need to waste our profits on him, he won’t know the difference. Is he comfortable in front of TV cameras?

What about your office rats? Do they have any kind of showbiz talent? If you have a talking monkey that can do impressions, I can only imagine the wondrous things your rodents are capable of. Please do not keep them to yourself. The world deserves your rats too.

I’m afraid I’ll have to turn down your offer of one million people; I just don’t have the office space.

Sincerely,

Charles Babbage – Director
Pesky Pirate Audio & Video Productions Ltd.

 

 

Chinweoke is unimpressed by my showbiz ambitions it seems.

From: Chinweoke Trevor Nwauzor
To: Charles Babbage
Subject: Re:???

Urh,

I think is okay my friend, pls just go ahead with yours while I take on mine here. Let us stop wasting each of our time.

 

 

From: Charles Babbage
To: Chinweoke Trevor Nwauzor

So it’s a no deal on the monkey thing?

 

 

That was the last I heard from Chinweoke as Charles Babbage in this scambait, but of course, you will recall he’s also trying to scam Miss Christina Gilliam, so Lets get back to that story shall we?

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